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So what should you do when a child throws a tantrum? Many parents, determined not to be cruel or counterproductive, latch on to pre-approved language from books. Walk through a Manhattan playground and you’ll hear parents responding to their dirt-throwing, swing-stealing offspring with a studied flatness. A toddler whirling into a rage is quietly instructed, "Use your words." A preschooler who clocks his classmate is offered the vaguely Zen incantation "Hands are not for hitting." A kid demanding a Popsicle is given a bland demurral: "I’m sorry, but I don’t respond to whining." (The preferred vocal inflection is that of a customer-service representative informing an irate caller that the warranty has, indeed, expired.) The brusque imperative "Say 'please'!" has been supplanted by the mildest of queries: "Is there a nicer way to say that?" The efficacy of this clinical approach has not been confirmed by science, but it certainly feels scientific, in part because the parents conduct themselves as if their child were the subject of a peer-reviewed experiment.

In this confrontation-averse age of parenting, in which the "escalation" of emotions is considered a mark of failure, a favorite way of inculcating discipline is the reading of picture books. The language of a good children’s story is precise and consistent, offering a genial way for parents to address misbehavior. The Bank Street Bookstore, in Manhattan, now has a section called "Special Needs," with hundreds of picture books categorized by theme, such as "Manners” and “School" and "Siblings."